Remember to Play!

Another epiphany that there is "life after loss" . . .


The dictionary definition:

PLAY v. To engage in an enjoyable activity for amusement. 

My definition (in addition to the above):

PLAY v. To lighten up, allow oneself to be happy.

Those are the words on a whimsical necklace I have. The silver pendant hangs on a leather cord. I don't wear it often, only when I need reminding; which, if you know me, isn't often. Because of that "lucky child" childhood mentioned in the previous entry, I've always been an inventive little free spirit, ie: independent little cuss. If that gets messed with . . . well, it's not good. And it did get unavoidably "messed with" for about 3 years. After a period of time, thoughts and situations seem to right themselves, and the lucky inner child gets back on track slowly, but as surely as the sun rises and sets every single day. 

I'm thinking about the part that PLAY has in relationships. In my world it takes up a significant chunk of it. It's too easy to feel sorry for oneself. Finally telling myself, I mean really telling myself, that it's okay to be happy, has led to an amazing transformation. I cannot believe how much I was holding the "little free spirit" back. Yes, some people handle the difficult times much differently, but there is a part of me (remember those parts that I re-discovered and polished?) that refuses to be ignored . . . I love to laugh, and so I shall! It's been a long haul, but I'm remembering how to see the humor in most everything. It will save your sanity. I have a friend who knew Ben, and later me, who manages, through his fun and uninhibited ways, to make me laugh in a way that I haven't for a long, long time. I'll be involved in some mundane task when, out of nowhere, I think of something he said or did that makes me laugh out loud. Laughter = Therapy for the Soul.

No, this does not mean that I will ever forget Ben and all the history we made. He had a great sense of humor. I truly believe that's a big share of what got us through 30 years. It takes a ton of hard work to make a relationship last that long, and I would not be human if I let all of that go. What I'm doing now is simply looking at it in a new way, a way that leaves me free to be me, and sharing that part of me is a start.