Cyberspace

Cyberspace isn't just "computer speak". It also enfolds all of the human thoughts and events swirling around at any given moment, comparable to time-lapse, or radio waves rushing through the atmosphere, undetectable. Things changing in a millisecond. It happens to me a lot. 

When I read about or observe something, it causes my mind to launch in a multitude of directions, each thought connected, yet not. I actually enjoy it. It keeps me company when I have no company. (Yes, more on the goods, bads, uglies, and serendipities of living alone!) It's not all bad, that's for certain. As time goes on, I've learned much about myself, and it's mostly all good. I revel in keeping "me" on the right path, knowing when and when not to do something. 

The amount of changes going on around me, and out in the world, are a wonder to ponder. Take those two words for instance . . . wonder & ponder . . . similar in spelling, yet the English language dictates that the o's must be pronounced differently. Why not wunder & punder? See how my mind wanders? 

Back to the subject of today's blog . . . Things about which I wonder and ponder.

I sit on my back deck, gazing off at the homes around me, and think about all the family dynamics going on within. Are they happy, or do they have overwhelming issues they're contending with. Sadly, one doesn't know many of the neighbors other than the closest ones. And you don't really know them. And maybe you don't really want to. Yet, if you made the effort, they may bring a new richness into your life. But we always wait for someone else to make that first move. That's where the excitement of the unknown has always been a part of my life . . . making the effort, discovering the good, the bad, or the ugly. In my career I never had a fear of making cold calls, risking rejection. I always looked at "no" as my client actually asking for more information so that they could make a more intelligent decision. I wasn't one to give up. So, as I look around at my neighbors, I think of what I can do to bring that added richness into my life, and perhaps theirs.

There are those who probably think I should be in church as I write this on a beautiful and sunny Arizona morning. To me, that's exactly where I am. I'm a spiritual person, and Ben knew that. He didn't force me to do anything. He, and I, know that I'm right where I should be . . . wondering and pondering. I wonder about God, and what kind of a God he/she is, how much control God really has. Where am I being led, or am I the one actually in control. I suspect it's a little of each. But I'm not seeing any real "purpose" in my life at this point. I know that has bothered all of us at one time or another . . . what am I really here for. This is where I feel the old adage "what will be will be" and "ours is not to wonder why". So my mission in life is to deal with things as they come at me. It has, so far, served me well. I do not believe in a "Big Bang Theory". There's too much detail all around us that has to have been developed over the billions of years. Take humans, for instance. Where did we come from . . . if you believe in evolution, where did the life come from that we allegedly evolved from? Yes, things to ponder.

As I read an obituary in my local paper this morning of a man I knew in passing, I thought again about that "dash", the big and major space between the date of birth and the date of death. There were many things that I didn't know about him, which causes us to admire them more in death than we did in life. Sad. Time, and good use of it, is of the essence. As I approach my 66th birth anniversary, all of you have a leg up on my dash. You know more through my blog than you'd be able to gain from just running into me once in awhile. I hope that's a good thing. As I sorted through things in my computer room yesterday, I came across a short note Ben had written to me on my 61st. It reminded me that that was the last year I received a birthday gift from him. It was my Dell laptop, which brought a tear to my eye when I opened it. I used it for 5 mostly trouble-free years, and thought of him every time I did. It's now packed carefully away while I embark upon the exploration of my iMac.

I also ponder my diet. I try to plan ahead so that I not only "eat right", but save money by not dining out. That is not always easy for someone living alone, albeit with two cats who, by the way, are no help at all in this department! Sometimes I do myself proud. Last night it was a small, lean piece of sirloin grilled; a foil packet on the grill, containing small white potatoes and onions sprinkled with rosemary, minced garlic, and sea salt; annnnndddddd . . . a chocolate sundae with peanuts. Good, right? Not so much, but it sure tasted good. Dining out is a treat for me, but it happens more often than it should. I was given an Olive Garden gift certificate and I'm milking it as far as I can. I used to think gift certificates were a lazy cop out for someone who's too lazy to shop for a proper gift. No longer do I think that! Restaurants and Amazon are my cup 'o tea. And who knows what today will bring? So far it's brought Chobani peach yogurt.

Maybe a small road trip is in order. It's just unfortunate that Miss Daisy requires fuel for that. I have not yet figured a way for her to run on my hot air.