And life goes on. After living on this street for 25 years, I see all kinds of ghosts passing through. Memories of the past. I've probably lived here longer than most now. I've seen many of the houses "turn over" from 2 to 5 times. It isn't like it was when we (Ben & I) first moved in. I don't know the neighbors like I did, and being older now, it isn't as easy to connect. Many of the names from years past, elude me, but I recall occasions. As one grows older people no longer seek you out which makes for a lonely existence. I wasn't that way. On Thanksgiving & Christmas I would take a plate of my cooking to a couple of older neighbors who lived alone. I can imagine how happy it made them because I know how happy it would make me if I were on the receiving end. I no longer do the traditional meals because it's too much work for one, but I do miss it.
My mom & dad lived 6 doors up from me for a couple of years and I was sad when they moved out. Just wasn't their "cuppa tea" I guess. They were used to neighbors who enjoyed social gatherings, and they tried, but it just didn't gel. The two houses on either side of me are empty now. But one of them is a 2nd home for a family. They'll mostly only be here once in awhile, which doesn't help me. The other one is still owned by the older couple, but they've moved to senior living. I still see them for dinner once in awhile, but it isn't like being able to walk over & visit.
Oddly, one only seems to know the neighbors within about a 4 house area up, down & across. I've seen them come & go from most of those, so I get so that I don't get close. I kind of distance myself. Had almost perfect neighbors on one side for about 5 years, but they moved back to their home turf. I've thought about doing that, but the cons outweigh the pros. Had it not been for my cat housemates, I might have done it. Now, with no cats, I'm not sure what to do with myself. Losing my last little boy, Riley, threw me for a loop, and I still miss him as if it were yesterday, and its been 6 months!
I know that human contact is extremely vital for my well-being, and I have tried many times to cultivate friends, but as the years go by, reciprocity becomes less & less. I have become tired of being the one to initiate contact. I fire up my little truck now & then to visit a nearby lake, or shop for something I need, but that doesn't quench the human contact thirst. On my daily walk up the street, I've become acquainted with Jake, a very friendly little boy with nice parents, and his dog Duke. It makes for a sweet break in my day, albeit too short.
I still journal daily, but its become more of a diary, which is boring. I turn to this blog once in awhile to put a spin on things, but I'm probably the only one who reads it! Just reading back through this post tells me that I'm on the downside of my allotted time on Earth, and frankly, that doesn't bother me. All of my ruminating reminds me that one can never go back, and no matter how hard you try to go forward, it can't be forced. My drive back to my childhood area this summer proved that. It's no longer my world. Everyone has their own life to live. If part of it goes to me, I'll treasure it, but I no longer have expectations (as I said in a blog long ago). Most older people have family nearby, but mine are scattered and I see them seldom. It forces me to depend on neighbors, of which I'm doing less & less.
So if this gives you some insight as to what it will be like for you, that's my goal. If you have older relatives, neighbors or friends, shed a different light on the way you look at them. You just might make someone's life more worth living.
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