A parody on the foibles of late-in-life dating . . . if you're brave enough.
Examples of
what guys are looking for on a dating site for seniors. Yes, seniors! ~
What this guy wants is simple. And yes, that's all he wrote.
"I'm looking for the same thing every man is..... The remote."
This one makes me dizzy, not to mention tired. The guy wants it ALL!!
“What I'm looking for in
women: I am looking for a woman that is not immature. A woman I can trust. A
lady I can talk to for hours on end about virtually anything. I like to discuss
ideas, concepts, metaphysics, politics or even sports with a special woman. I
want a friend - a buddy and well as a lover - someone who is adventurous,
outgoing and attractive. A lady who knows how to dress, but is comfortable in
casual. So, if you are reasonably together in body and soul, articulate,
passionate, have an active mind and are willing to argue amicably. If you have
some direction for your energy and spirit -- if you're "Classy"(for
me class is character and attitude and some indescribable personal glow - the
way you carry yourself). If you are a soft and reserved woman but yet at the
same time wild, I would like to hear from you. My idea of a perfect first date:
Good conversation most anywhere is always nice. A candlelight dinner in a quiet
cafe. A walk in the pine trees - enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of nature.
Just about anywhere that allows two people to talk and get to know each other.”
And this guy
is looking for Beaver Cleaver's mother June. Control freak. Am I right? Needs a little
help with spelling and punctuation.
"Chemistry, sex, companion
trusted loved one and best friend, strong values, American patriot good cook
clean home and body, good dresser, sexy, loves to be happy, good social life
but not overwhelming, home first. Do not want a drinking partner, no drugs use
except prescritions. Open to almost anything clean with dignity. Likes to
attend Church on Sunday with family friends dinner after at home. Two church
services okay with me and Temple or one Saturday/Sunday then the other the
following. Must be healthy and work at it, excersise a must. Apperance and
dress up or down important to me."
So here are just a few of my most poignant thoughts . . . or replies, if you will:
You say you
want a fit & trim woman? What on earth are you doing on a senior’s dating
site? Don’t attempt to make me over. I am not a twenty-something with an
over-abundance of cleavage, and floss for underwear. I want room to breathe in
my jeans. Looking like a stuffed sausage isn’t my idea of style.
My hair is
mine to wear in a way that best suits my self-image, not yours.
Don’t tell
me the phone works both ways . . . if you want to “court” me, call me. I’m old
fashioned, so shoot me.
Don’t give
me this “I love walks in the moonlight, and candlelight dinners” crapola. How long
would that last before your biggest thrill became controlling the TV remote?
As for all
the talk about wanting someone to travel with, are you paying? After bills, my
social security might get me 15 miles out of town.
Chemistry? I
never took that course in school.
Must be
healthy? So I’m not allowed to get ill? Ever? Urp.
Loves to be happy . . . All the time?!!! Get real.
I must look
good dressed up or down . . . I already had a momma who controlled my mode of
dress. Now it’s my turn, not yours.
Notice that all of these “men” want an
attractive (sexy) woman. Have they looked in the mirror lately? Tit for tat.
As for
adventurous . . . I have had a lifetime of adventure. Now is the time when I
just want to sit back and enjoy the memories. All of these “requirements”
remind me why I’m alone. I would like a man who would simply love, cherish,
adore, and grow old gracefully with me. Is that asking too much? Maybe so . . .
(Maxine
would be proud, don’tcha think? J)
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