I AM . . . just who I am :)

I've said that every now and then over my lifetime, but I think I honestly have a grip on it this time around. It's kind of like the difference between ordinary colors and neon. More and more, I keep saying, "How can I feel any more at peace, or as happy as I do right now?"  NOW!! That word is the key .... I've been staying in the "Now" zone. No leaking into the past or future unless it serves a purpose.

It may sound rude/odd/weird/selfish when people ask if I'll ever marry again, but my standard answer is . . . "WHY would I want to do THAT?!!" Ask yourself . . . have you ever felt totally comfortable with where you are, kind of like when you're getting a nice massage,  but all the time? It's rare, but it's possible. It's so nice to be able to be the director of your own life. Say 'no' once in awhile, if that's what you really want to do. Go ahead. Try it. Or surround yourself with people you're truly comfortable with rather than those who make you feel as if you need to be more than you are. You're already plenty, but those kinds of people just don't get it.

I have no idea how people actually describe me. But here's how I would .... eccentric!! I love that word!! My definition of it is: (see blog title) It's so heavenly to put my feet on the floor in the morning and think to myself, "Alright!! Another whole day that belongs to me. And I can choose to be grumpy, happy, productive or lazy." But none of those choices will be made by anyone but myself. When something makes me uncomfortable, the word STOP comes to mind. There's no one I trust more than me to think things through and make, what for me, is the right choice.

BTW: I don't "hate" anyone!

I still keep up with the news, albiet lightly. I know that media generally leans toward one side or the other, and that most stories are damned depressing. But I also know that, before the world population became so overwhelming, the news was way easier to swallow. People used to rudely ask why I never had kids, so I'm going to tell you . . . Kruschev. Yup. In a nutshell. I was quite young when that cold war was going on, but it scared the pedal pushers off me enough that I suddenly saw the world as a whole, and what the people in it were capable of. I think I decided at that moment that I didn't want kids to live through some of the horrors that might come. As it turns out, I probably had time to have them, and they'd have come through whats been dished out just fine, but I was impressionable. If I were of childbearing age right now, there's no way I'd attempt it with all this cramping and crowding on the Earth's surface. If that makes me the judge and jury for kids I never had, so be it. My choice.

Furthermore, I even wrote Kruschev, the shoe slinging Russian, a letter back then. Don't recall exactly what it said, but he didn't reply and it was never returned to me. I suspect it's in a deep, dark file drawer at FBI headquarters, along with letters I wrote to the Dentyne gum company (pieces were too small), and M&M's (they did TOO melt in your hands). They both at least had the courtesy to write back and explain their shortcomings.

So, onward I go in my happy little world, hoping I can share it with those who matter to me. And, in turn, hoping it matters to you. If I could bottle how I feel, I'd gladly give it away. I know I'm not done with the down days, but that's another choice, and I'll choose to avoid them when possible.

Below is the best advice I can give, free for the taking!