That's a very poignant question anytime, but sometimes more than others. This post is going to connect with the previous one as I reflect on the path my oldest brother is currently on following his untimely vehicle accident. I tend to be in a "reflecting" mode a good share of the time, but it's times like now that turn my mind into a little shovel, digging out long forgotten memories that lead to questions such as the one in the title. So I'll try to answer it for myself.
But first, this little picture will help lead you where I'm going:
As some of my other posts have indicated, I've been pondering my world and who it's wrapped around for quite some time now. That tends to happen when you live alone, far from family, with no one to share your domain with. I think to myself, "Okay, woman, you have choices, and they're yours alone to make. You can stay here, you can go there, or there, or there".
And, as one ages, the thought enters that, if you're going to do something, it's soon or never. I think about the condition of different parts of my body . . . eyes, bones, heart . . . and think that, if I commit to a chosen path, will it all be for naught? Unfortunately, those thoughts play a large part in any commitment. It's human nature. Stupid human nature. And there you have the answer to the question . . . sometimes our world is wrapped around our fears. So do I want to wrap my world around senseless fears and not live fully? Or do I want to face those fears and roar like a lion (in my case, lioness)?
As for my aforementioned brother, Larry, it was always "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead"! Even with advanced Parkinson's he had 10 things going at one time, and I'm not sure that any of them were completed, which I'm sure is banging around in his thoughts as he sits in the hospital. But he was doing what he loved, and not worrying about the body parts, most of the time to the consternation of his family! Two lessons to be learned from Larry . . . 1) You may NOT have time, so do what you need to do; 2) But DO take care of the body parts while you're at it. They have a way of getting you where you're going.
The little shovel in my mind is turning over thoughts of the "little" Larry . . . he was always in a world of his own. It was sometimes as if the rest of us didn't exist. He was a tinkerer, always taking things apart and putting them back together again, or not! And he collected things, including pockets full of rabbit "raisins"! I'd watch him play with old radios, which caused me to make one of my own from any parts I could glean from his castoffs, including empty toilet paper rolls to serve as the tube thingies. Then, getting bored, I'd go back to my own world.
But Larry did normal "boy things", too, like hunting, swimming, and telling me I had rotten teeth.
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All of these things, and many others, will continue to traverse the confines of my brain as Larry continues along the path he chooses to travel. And rest assured I'll be back to complete the story. I may even add to it! Life is what it is, and the best part of the journey is taking out that little shovel to dig around and remember the good stuff.
2 comments:
That was a great post Kathy! I loved the stories of Larry! Siblings are the best gift God has ever given me and ever could give me. They get me through the worst and share the best with me! Hang in there! Prayers coming your way!! xo
That is some of my memory of Larry as a child, too- into taking various equipment apart or putting it together. He was slightly distant & enough older to seem a little mysterious & awesome. We're wishing him good recovery from this ordeal.
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