Still wandering, but not aimlessly . . .

For those who wander . . . or only wonder . . .


After one year, 9 months, and one week of being without my soulmate, life is good. Well, as good as it can be without his presence. Some cannot say the same after a loss, which points out major differences in how we handle what life throws at us.


I think I can trace my ability to deal with alone-ness back to childhood. I was good at entertaining myself! As a result, I'm never at a loss for occupying "time". I either sit and contemplate, grab my camera and get in the car to go see something, I read, kayak, work part-time, volunteer at the V.A., or whatever. There's definitely endless possibilities of things to do where I live, and no major weather problems to stop the action. My biggest pet peeve are these words: "I'm bored." Those are the saddest two words in the English language when combined. I by far prefer being occupied on Earth to the alternative . . . the Eternal Dirt Nap. But does death frighten me? I think it used to, but my time spent with those making the transition has calmed any fear. 

Profile of a NOT bored child!

 Maybe a little "attitude" ;)
But only a little!

 Lucky girl

 I already knew how, but I humored him!

Yes, I was allowed in the "shack" by the brothers

and cousin on the right. They had no choice.

Another thing that helps immensely is becoming comfortable in the home I shared with someone else. It's slowly becoming "me". You can tell by the driftwood in the yard, carefully collected and piled in the kayak during sojourns on the local "lakes". Ben would have poo poo'd it! But I like it, and so it stays. 

Driftwood in the 'yak :)

I keep the yard up, but not to the degree that he probably would have. I either don't have the time, or I need help in some areas (which I'm still bad about asking for). I haven't done much with his workshop, but it's functional the way it is. I just need to organize it a little better, and I still need to have another yard sale. As for the "living quarters", yes, you can tell it's me, but in a very subtle way. Never been one to change the furniture around on a regular basis, but the place has a good Feng Shui feel to it. I'm bad about putting the "spread on the bed", but hey, the sheets and blanket are pulled up and neat! As for the pantry, I've tossed things that I don't eat, things that Ben's sweet tooth liked. And the fridge is, well, not real full, but things reside in there that keep my weight in a maintenance mode. I finally have the "office" clean  and orderly, and I love spending time in here now. Don't watch much TV, so I spend $52 a month having it sit there doing nothing other than playing the golden oldies channel, the era when music was music!


Does anything "bother" me? Of course! Like what . . . like what's to become of me, where will I be in one year, five, ten . . . But I've always been blessed with being able to survive what comes at me, so I'll depend on that for the future. But this is "now", and that's what I'll live. I refer back to an earlier post I wrote, "A different kind of Bucket List". The peace and contentment are earned and, unfortunately, are only treasured after you've lost something big. That's what it's all about. And that's what keeps me going.