. . . or *Like*, if you wish. This is a subject I've wanted to pursue for some time. I haven't experienced the unconditional variety from anyone in one year, 11 months and 11 days from the date of this post, other than family, but even that is sometimes dubious. ;) Have you ever given or received it? Pretty powerful. It's difficult for me to love any other way. I've been too blessed (or cursed?) with anticipating others' needs. I learned from a Master. But I sometimes think that UCL is the root of my confusions. (Refer to an earlier post called "Some of the scarier stuff" & one dealing with the Golden Rule) I vowed there would be no one else, and I still vow there will be no more marriage! But lets say I've hooked up with someone who has never experienced UCL. Do I have to show them the way? Or is it too late for them to learn it? Or am I just going to get "used". Regarding the latter, I've always been slow to declare someone a true friend, but when I do, it's for life. They can "use" me twice, then they're out. But, if you're an UCL person, that's a toughy.
Back to the 'unconditional' part . . . I know when it's unconditional based on some common sense parameters. The greatest attraction should be to the Total Person, everything that makes them who they are. It's not a pick and choose game. Time spent together -- am I always the one looking for quality time? Do I hear "I'm too busy", or "I have so much to do" too often, thus finding myself alone much of the time? (Yup, this is turning out to be an extension of that earlier blog.) I also pay a lot of attention to, and observe, the Other Person's needs/wants. Unfortunately I'm often too willing to make life easier for that person, and it's often not reciprocal. That's when you know you latched on to the 'unrequited' (un-returned) variety. Unconditional does not mean allowing yourself to be stepped on.
Back to the 'unconditional' part . . . I know when it's unconditional based on some common sense parameters. The greatest attraction should be to the Total Person, everything that makes them who they are. It's not a pick and choose game. Time spent together -- am I always the one looking for quality time? Do I hear "I'm too busy", or "I have so much to do" too often, thus finding myself alone much of the time? (Yup, this is turning out to be an extension of that earlier blog.) I also pay a lot of attention to, and observe, the Other Person's needs/wants. Unfortunately I'm often too willing to make life easier for that person, and it's often not reciprocal. That's when you know you latched on to the 'unrequited' (un-returned) variety. Unconditional does not mean allowing yourself to be stepped on.
You want more? Okay . . . Unconditional love is:
Being spontaneous. Fitting that someone in even if it gets you off track, or you're tired.
Buying something you know they'd like or need even if you can't afford it, not expecting
anything in return.
Taking care of their *unusual* pet collection while they're gone, and actually liking it.
Being there, I mean literally, when they're down or sick, and not expecting anything in return.
Making meals with their special diet needs in mind.
Use photography skills to take pictures of their family, even though I never see them (the pics)
around.
Take a genuine interest in what they like, or in what's bothering them.
You see they need something done and you just do it, or they ask you to do something and you
don't have to be asked twice.
I could go on and on, but I'm beginning to hurl. So here's what Unrequited Unconditional Love is:
They love you, but with zero reciprocity on any and all of the above, until it's reached the point where you know you're either A) being used, or B) they have no room for you in their life, but they just aren't thoughtful enough to tell you.
Ah ha! I just found this on Facebook ~
“Isn’t it ironic? We ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those
who love us and love those who hurt us.”—Unknown
So, at what point does one walk away? While you still have your dignity. You don't wait until it's damaged. Geez, I should have listened to myself! I'm too old for this game.
But hey! I could be wrong about this. Maybe give it one more chance . . .
Then again, maybe not!
1 comment:
Sounds like a good mystery! Looking forward to the next chapter...
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