Dodging the void . . . once again

Kind of a melancholy day. One is never quite sure why that happens at unexpected times, but I think I know why this time. In following the Crown King Gladiator fire, I came to know some of the people on the CK Facebook page. I learned that one of the women had written a book called "Magic Bridge" (the place where you know you're finally about to enter that magical little mountain community) by Thomasina Burke. So I bought it for my Kindle. In a nutshell, it's about an unlikely romance. In the Prologue, she wrote,"Our pact was that, if or when one of us got gravely ill, we wouldn't let the other suffer. And, then, the one of us remaining would scatter the other's ashes at the places we loved best." 

That touched me in the darkest, deepest corner of my soul. It literally sucked the air from my lungs. I may be repeating from a previous blog, but bear with me. While he could still talk, I had asked Ben where he wanted his ashes. He told me to place them in Okoboji, the deep, blue water lake where he fished for Walleye, and some in a cemetery (in that lake area) that we had no connection to. I gently talked him out of the latter because it was only so his family would have a place to go to "visit him". They could visit the lake and he'd be dispersed everywhere! But I kept some of his ashes aside. Just a feeling. Sure enough, I began to think about those "places we loved best." That included not only the lake in Iowa, but his parents' graves in Minnesota, a creek in Arizona where he loved to gold pan, and our yard that he worked on so hard. I still have a small amount because I know me . . . another "best loved" spot will come to mind one of these days.

Sometimes it's difficult to get through those "wish I would'ves", but reading that part of the book was like a bright light being turned on in an otherwise black void. It made me realize that I did do one of the greatest things that I could for Ben. No regrets.

Regrets are the saddest thing in the world of the living, and I had been living with them. I believe that everyone who has lost someone lives with regrets in some form or another. My greatest hope for them is that they experience a serendipity like this was for me. And one thing I can now be sure of . . . I was blessed with being one of those who will go to all ends of the earth to honor a loved one's last wishes.

Thank you, Thomasina Burke . . .

Peace.