Do all good things . . .

. . . come to those who wait? I'm not so sure. But then, I've never been one to hurry things. I tend toward being a thinker, a logic, a researcher. I believe, through these past months, that I've also developed a much gentler spirit. The latter is doing battle with the former, and the end result is going to be interesting to watch. I think I've alluded to the fact, in previous posts, that I sometimes make things too complicated for myself. Somewhere along the way, I set my faith aside. I did once have it! I've also mentioned how I've taken Ben's seat in church, and just by nature of that, I'm getting closer to finding that faith again. But there are many other things coming into play in that quest. I read voraciously (the researcher side), I weigh the things I read and hear (the logical side) and I listen intently to Pastor Irvin (the thinker side). But, in doing all of this, I make things more complicated than they probably are. Pastor Irvin unkinks that with the simplicity of his sermons. I may or may not have mentioned in an earlier post that one of Ben's last wishes, communicated to Pastor Irvin, was that (not sure of the exact words) he help me "find my way". 

  

I went to see Pastor at his office one day, not really knowing why. I just felt compelled to. I told him I'd be a challenge. As it turns out, I'm more of a challenge to myself! But my intent is solid. I have a little card stuck in the corner of a frame around one of Ben's photos: "Live With Intention". Let me clarify that I do not classify myself as a 'heathen'. I've always been a spiritual person, and if that sounds contrary to a lack of faith, I think not. When I was little, I had a babysitter who was very religious, and I was at a curious age. I'd ask her question after question. But when I'd learned enough, she wouldn't let up. Perhaps I've retained that questioning nature . . . all questions that only I can find the answers to.

When I kayak, walk, or just sit outside, I'm bowled over by the nature of things . . . how do flowers, birds, lizards, the sky, get their coloring, patterns, and texture? They look as if they were painted by an artist. And where, by the way, did that artist get his/her skill? Why have I been blessed with good health and energy into my 60's, why has my macular degeneration disappeared from the center part of my right eye (a rare thing), why does my heart show no sign of my mother's history . . . is it all attributable to genes? Am I getting close to an answer? I hear the expression "take it on faith". I'm not wired that way, but I'm trying. I believe that it has to start with faith in oneself and, in that, the light is on!

 "But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good . . ."

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:21