Think first!

I, in no way, manner, or form EVER want "Grace" to be a downer, but a close friend recently lost a beloved brother, so this post is simply a reinforcement to others in a similar situation. I thought about some of this when I lost Ben and my mom, but I didn't dwell on it because I know people mean well, others simply don't think. It all goes back to the fact, yes fact, that everyone experiences a death differently, even if just microscopically. That's why these time-worn phrases can be a touchy thing.


What not to say to a grieving person:

- You need to snap out of it
- It wasn’t meant to be
- You must be strong
- She lived a good life
- You must move on
- God will never give you more than you can handle
- I understand (or 'I know')
- Be thankful you have other children
- It’s over with. Let’s not deal with it
- Get a hold of yourself
- Keep a stiff upper lip
- Pull yourself together
- Be strong for the children
- Get back on the horse again
- It was God’s will
- You can always have other children
- You’re young
- Maybe God is trying to tell you something
- Others have it worse than you
- What did you do wrong?
- He wouldn’t have been healthy
- It is just nature’s way of dealing with a problem
- How are you doing?
- Are you okay?
- If you need anything, let me know < (They aren't going to ask, so just DO something for them)


And many more. Just think about what you wouldn't want to hear.


The best things to say:


- I'm so sorry for your loss.
- Tell briefly of an experience you had with the deceased that made you laugh or feel good. (I
     loved the stories I heard about Ben)
- And my all time favorite --
     I'm wise enough to allow you to grieve your own way, and strong enough to hear your pain without  
     turning away. From my own losses, I know your sun will rise again, but you have to get through 
     your own darkness. Just know that I'm here.


I'm not going to touch on anything more than this. There's always another subject for another day.